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Bonjour Paris,

I’ve had two hours of sleep and I won’t have coffee until I’ve finished writing to you, not for tradition’s sake as much as for convenience’s sake. My local coffee shop in Sherborne opens officially at nine and unofficially at eight for me and it’s only seven forty-five right now. I’ve trained my friend the owner how to make café allongé like they do in France so well I don’t bother making my own using the fancy coffee machine in the house.

I’m rather sleepy but in my usual jolly mood. Look, I’m smiling. I had a lively chat with my son from midnight when he came back from his paid training as a chef. To work in the kitchen is one of his dreams and listening to his story delivered with so much passion makes me feel even more passionate about life.

Talk about passion, the double date with bestie Peter and our Rosie at The Royal Ballet went wonderfully well. My gorgeous new Irish actress friend, I bumped into once after a play she was in, was the best last-minute cast for soothing my broken heart – again, Dina?! Yup! Definitely so much better than a jacket on the seat like one of my handsome friends would suggest when he isn’t free to attend, though I’d rather that than mediocre company. Carlos Acosta’s repertoires were mind blowing and the pre-show dinner at The Crush Room was almost as delicious.

What about us, Paris? I said I was letting you go only last week and a path suddenly reopened a couple of days ago for me to be with you in a few days. Another reason to smile. The reason doesn’t matter; the means doesn’t matter.

I’ve been intentionally letting go of people and things that do not align with my core values recently. From the outside it looks like circumstances forced me to do it, but as Epictetus said “Circumstances do not make a man; it reveals him to himself”, in my case circumstances reveal to me the kind of bullshit and negativity I won’t entertain despite the love I have for these people and things, and definitely despite the benefits they may seem to provide for me.

It got me worried for a moment how calm and collected I have been walking away from all that I once cherished with all my heart and effort mental and physical. I went through questioning myself – am I callous? Do I know myself too well? I went through the urge to explain, although it was more for their sake than mine. It is crushingly liberating to know that my heart is still soft for everyone and that I no longer feel the need to be understood or accepted.

In other words, I know myself too damn well to allow anything or anyone to get in the way of my true self. Freedom and love are at the top of my list of priorities in life and they come with standards. There can’t be freedom when there’s any form of self-betrayal. In the same manner, there can’t be romance, or any other form of expressions of love, without trust.

Without trust, love will hide behind the clouds and keep me cold, revealing itself only on clear days, too blinding for me to look at. Without fierce loyalty to my true self, my growing and always-becoming self, I will always be imprisoned by other people’s versions of me, whatever rewards seem to be offered to keep me satisfied.

Does it make for a lonely life? No, it makes for a focused life. By focusing on being my true self at any cost only can I afford to enjoy life’s greatest joy, that is feeling free and in love. Come to me correctly, Paris; meet me half way. In the meantime, let me get that delicious café allongé and a couple of butter croissants locally.

sherborne, le 9 août 2026

je t’embrasse !

d.o.